An Angel Mothers' Bond

There is something that happens to a woman (I can't speak for the men) when they lose a child. Whether that be at term, half way though, early on or they lost the thought of a child... 

We have an innate feeling that we need to protect each other. There is so much guilt, taboo, and negativity around the subject that we feel if we don't protect each other no one else will.

Perhaps this comes from the mother guilt I have spoken of before.... Perhaps it comes from our want or need to affect change because of our loss. I'm not sure.

I am deeply disappointed tonight, not for myself, but for those that I thought I may be able to effect change for. I was expecting something to happen tonight that for reasons out of my control hasn't.  

I am saddened, not because it affects my situation at all, but because I know that there were others eagerly awaiting it. I too had pinned hopes on it, that it would help them in some way. 

Unfortunately the loss of Ruby could have been prevented. Have I proven that in a court of law? No, Not yet. But I am in the long severely drawn out process of doing that. What saddens me most, is that I was not alone. I was one of many mothers that could have had their child at home with them....

For a very long time. A year and a half, all of us have had to be very careful about what we say publicly about those events. 

Since finding out about these women and speaking to them, I have considered them family. In fact, not just them... all angel mothers. I have felt a duty to take care of them and protect them in any way that I can. Whether that be to be a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to, or someone to help them fight. I am here. No matter what. 

After losing Ruby, I wanted; and still do to this day, to make a change. I  never ever wanted another mother to experience the pain and anguish I had. In this particular situation I feel as though the only way I can help is by giving us a voice. All of us. Not just those that have been a victim of negligence but all mothers that have suffered a loss.

For far too long we have had to keep quiet for fear of upsetting people or dulling the mood. We have had to deal with our pain and suffering privately and do our best to move on. We have had to shoulder our grief and pretend that all is ok because those around us would rather not face it. 

Yes I generalise here and there are people that have been supportive. But I am not here to be politically correct. I am here to tell the truth.

The truth is that mothers of Stillborn Children, Miscarried Children, and thoughts of children are often forgotten about or ignored because their issue is one to incomprehensible for others to be sympathetic too. It is too personal and 'not nice'. That's the cold hard truth. 

I thought tonight that Ruby's story would be made public. It hasn't been, not to the scale I thought anyway. I bear no resentment for that. I am however bitterly disappointed.

The exposure had no bearing at all on my recovery or my case regarding the circumstances of her death. It did however mean a lot to the women I have relied upon, supported and confided in. It meant a lot to the women that have felt that they couldn't talk openly about what they have been through. It meant a lot the the families of those women to know that they weren't alone. 

This is a set back in my vision only. It is a minor delay in the change that I thought we may be able to make. However, it has no bearing at all on those that didn't know about it. That didn't see it, that didn't hear the things we had to say. It has no bearing on the women affected by loss. Their world will continue as usual... They will continue to cope the best way that they can. 

That is where my disappointment lies, not in that the story wasn't heard but in the fact that there has been another missed opportunity for change, open discussion and honesty.