I am more Important

You guessed it, this is going to be one of those self serving, annoying, you need to love yourself blog posts... but before you switch it off and get turned off by the overly cheesy photo and far too blatant title, hear me out. 

For as long as I can remember I have been a 'fixer'. You know the types. The people that butt into everyone else's problems, take in the strays, try and make everyone else's day better and brighter. Those people that smile all the time, pretend that everything is ok and ALWAYS have time for everyone else...

Do you ever stop and think about why those people are like that? Or how on earth they possibly find time for themselves in amongst all that do-gooder-ship? 

Simple answer, they don't. And it's all bullshit.

Ok not all of it. Most of it... They do it because they are unable to remove themselves emotionally from their own issues or problems and it is far easier to try and work on someone else's problem than their own. It makes them feel good, because they've helped someone else.

More often than not, they are fairly unhappy with something in their own life that they have no control of, so to be able to help someone gives them a fleeting feeling of being able to make a difference. It keeps them busy. While they are so busy being a fixer, they have no time for themselves.

Yep, I was (and to some degree still am) one of those people. 

And then I realised that while I was so busy being such a 'good person' I was becoming a really shitty person. I was so tired by the end of the day. I had been there for everyone else I had no energy left for myself, my kids or my partner. Let's not forget family and friends. But hey, I didn't think about my problems all week right? Winning! 

Wrong. They were all still there. Only now I had to try and stay busier because the thoughts of all the things I hadn't done were getting louder. I needed something to drown it out, to justify why I couldn't be everything to everyone. 

Here's the little gem I am slowly wrapping my head around. 

I am more important than all of that!

I have gone for such an incredibly long time ignoring the signals from my own body, the voices in my head, the comments from those around me - screaming that I needed some rest and TLC. I was too scared to do it. I didn't want to stop and focus on me, because I wasn't perfect. I was broken, a mess... unfixable. 

What would happen if I took some time out? I'd die surely... What would happen if I said 'No'? What would happen if I said 'I don't know'? 

I'll tell you what, they will find someone else or they'll sort it out themselves.

YOU are more important. 

I have run on empty for such a very long time that cranky, agitated, false smile Jess was normal. Feeling rested, content and selfish is so foreign to me. But it's a great feeling. Why? Because part of my selfishness means that I am a better mum for my boys, I am dealing with and acknowledging my issues. I have more patience. I want to play and laugh with them. I am a more supportive partner. I am making time for friends. I look after me first so that I CAN be a better person. 

Never in a million years did I think that I would actually make this little dream of mine a reality. Never did I think I would have time to myself to relax, write and follow my passion. Never did I think I would hear my kids praise me for just being there. But they do. I am there now, but only because I'm there for myself first. 

There is nothing that needs your attention more in this world than your own wellbeing, health and happiness. 

Make time for you, do what you're passionate about, be with the people you love.  

​I am more important. YOU are more important. xx